Mother and baby deaths. We must not avert our gaze.

Infant mortality in 1800 was 329 deaths per 1000 births in Britain.  statista.com has a very impressive chart which shows how this rate has fallen steadily so that in 2020 it stood at 4 deaths per 1000 births. I present these facts as a backdrop to the findings, published recently, of Donna Ockenden’s report into maternity “care” at Nottingham University Hospitals. Over 500 mothers and babies were seriously injured or died between 2006 and 2024. Parents are calling for a government inquiry. I read reports of her findings, and watched videos of some of the affected parents speaking of their experiences in total horror. I reel from the findings in this report as I, perhaps, naively, believed Britain to be one of the safest countries to be pregnant and have a baby in. https://www.ockendenmaternityreview.org.uk/

Women consistently reported feeling dismissed, disempowered or blamed when they expressed anxiety or reported critical symptoms such as reduced foetal movements, severe pain, hypertension and postnatal deterioration. Instead of being taken seriously, their instincts and physical concerns were frequently minimised, normalised or reframed by staff as maternal anxiety. Tobi Thomas, The Guardian. https://guardian.com

Racism, prejudice and misogyny played a part. Women from black, Asian and other minority ethnic groups as well as those of lower socio-economic status and teens were particularly affected.

It’s difficult to watch mothers and fathers speak about what they went through when the child they were ready to welcome died or suffered injury causing cerebral palsy.

This hits me hard as it takes me back to my own experiences as an expectant mother more than thirty years ago. My book Passing Stranger tells some of this story. I post the title poem here with its shocking quote from a nurse: “Still not passed that foetus?”. 

My ex and I had no problem with the getting pregnant part but I couldn’t hang on to those potential babes. Seven pregnancies, five miscarriages and thankfully two live births, my son and daughter. I know so well the deep hurt, the grief of losing a baby. Miscarriage has long been deeply misunderstood. I see that culture of denial around foetal and infant death beginning to change. And so it should. We are in the 21st century! Hold that up against 1800 and statistics from that era. As a society we should be deeply ashamed.

Passing stranger

Still not passed that fetus?
The nurse cajoles, jollying me along.
Should I have said I’m sorry?

I am sorry. Sorry I would never pass
a long, cooped-up winter listening
to the weight of your breath
through the dark, windows steamed
with the warmth of our closeness. In the night,
I might have passed my hands over you,
wondering that you were real,
separate but connected to me.
I am sorry I’d never watch you pass
a soccer ball down a field,
call out to receive a team-mate’s pass
and end mud-spattered and tired,
in need of a bath and hot cocoa.
Sorry not to have the chance to pass you
on the street, a person I never met, catch your eye,
smile that uncertain, checking-you-out
kind of smile, a passing stranger’s tentative exchange,
half recognise in your eyes,
maybe your walk, something of me,
once, long ago.

I am sorry I will eventually pass you,
a barely-formed collection of cells, coming apart,
disintegrating in the warm but caustic bath of my uterus,
so much blood and tissue, flowing warm against my skin.
I summon the passing bells to toll.

From Passing Stranger, Pam Galloway. Inanna Publications, Toronto.

Our Old House

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Mum always said the day she and Dad moved into the house in Torridon Walk they thought they’d landed in Paradise. As an eight year old I guess I didn’t appreciate the full joy but it was definitely new, strange and huge. I recall running up the wide stairs to my very own bedroom, stopping on the way to use the upstairs, indoor toilet and splashing water into the bath just to watch it pool there under its own power.

A three-bedroomed council “semi” was at least four times bigger than our two-up-two down in Longsight’s slum clearance district. And that’s not counting the garden. Just to have a garden fulfilled a dream neither of my parents had imagined coming true. Front and back, grass, trees and rich, black soil waiting for Dad’s efforts at self-sufficiency. Well, at least in the vegetable department. Potatoes, onions, cabbage, carrots, lettuce, radish, beetroots and eventually tomatoes when he’d gained enough know-how. I was his garden help with the planting and inevitably the weeding. Mum chose berry bushes: blackcurrant, redcurrant, raspberries, gooseberries with the native brambles providing a harvest she turned into pies, jams and jellies and yes, I was kitchen assistant too. 

In the sixties, Wythenshawe was in the countryside. The house was only a mile from Ringway airport with a single runway and newly built control tower and surrounding it were farms and country lanes which became our playground. There were fields right up alongside the house and, as I write, the one closest to the house is still intact, gone wild. Not farmed any longer and no doubt waiting for the next airport expansion. It will happen.

Mum and Dad lived in that house together for fifty-five years and for sixty-six years of marriage. The house gradually emptied of family chatter, comings and goings and gatherings over the next nine years when Mum lived there by herself. She died last May, two weeks before her 95th birthday. The house is now waiting on its new family as its sale just completed. 65 years after our family moved in there. That’s an awful lot of memories. And as the cliche has it: if only the walls could talk. 

Here’s another one: it’s only bricks and mortar but something lives in those memories and so there is sadness in closing the front gate behind me for the last time.

Illustration by Lilian Galloway. Here’s one of here poems about living in the place she loved.

Urban Thoughts


The countryside at my back door
The willow herbs, trees and fields
I’ve come to love them more and more
Winds that whistle, crows that caw.

Soon I fear, with noise and roar
This scene of peaceful interlude
Will be extinct and lost forever mpre
Because of human greed.

The things I love will all be lost
Swallowed. as by a mighty. frost
Trees and fields will be no more
When I look out from my back door.

Lilian Galloway